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@Avo Mk8 says power = current x voltage and as I & V
both reverse each cycle of AC then the power is flowing in the same direction. Also while the L & N have equal but opposite I, they also have opposite V (depending on where you reference it) so power flows in the same direction.
Now you might argue if it is 230V & 0V then all power is in the L, which is reasonable enough, but if centre-tapped (as the typical 110V yellow supplies on building sites do for safety, so 55V-0V-55V) then you have half power on one, half on the other. But however you chose to reference 0V you get the same
total power for L+N, so the definition of N as 0V (give or take a volt or so drop along the cable) taking power as in the L is adequate..
Yes, typically in the UK the HV feed to a substation has only 3 line conductors, L1, L2, and L3 from a 3-phase supply. The primary windings are normally delta-connected to these 3 line feeds. Dropping N saves a 4th conductor which is a significant cost and as you say, is not actually needed here!
At the sending end (generator, or maybe a higher-voltage substation) then there is a neutral point for the 3-phase that is earthed so all lines are at known potentials w.r.t. the true Earth. A complication in the HV world is often there is an added impedance in the N earthing designed to limit the magnitude of any fault current to a value that is easier to handle, while the protection relay ponders if the fault is temporary or needs disconnection.
Yes, at the secondary (LV side) in the UK it is almost always a star-connection with the centre point the N which is then earthed via some arrangement of earth electrodes.
To save on cable, it is now common to have a combined N & E in the main cable (protective earth neutral = PEN), and multiple earth electrodes attached along its length (sometimes the lead sheath of old cables that have been superseded but remain buried, etc) to help a little with reliability & safety (protective multiple earthing = PME). This is known as "TN-C" as N & E are common (the 'C') part. For each house the N+E is taken along with one of the L and fed to the house, at that point (usually DNO cutout) the N and E for the installation are separated out. As N and E are now separated, it becomes TN-C-S
In the past there would be separate N & E from the substation, with the E often the cable steel armour or lead anti-corrosion sheath, but for cost saving that is not usually done in public networks (where different rules apply and TN-C is permitted) but it the usual way with private substations where the usual wiring regs apply that prohibit TN-C for safety reasons.
And yes, the safety aspect of an open PEN is a real issue today and has been forced back in to debate with electric cars being attached to that network and folks likely washing them, etc!