Man rules..

[Dave]

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear " the rules"
From the female side....

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
(FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle..

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

 

[Guest123]

I particularly agree with no's 1,1 and 1.

 

[Spudnik]

Sorry lenny, you got a thanks cause i pressed the wrong one.

You owe me.

 

[Guest123]

Quits.

 

[Andy Smith]

Brillant ! hope are girly guest think so to lol

 

[Dave]

Brillant ! hope are girly guest think so to lol

they are welcome to put a girly version up.....one did on the tilers forum...i will se if i can find it...lol

Here is another one....

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

*Men: note well-an easy life depends on your grasp of these 9 words*​

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.



(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . That will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying she would like you to go away and never come back!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.



* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true!!!

And this is the reply we got from a lady member..









Oh boys, just look what you've started now......

The Day the P*n*s asked for a Salary Raise

I, the P*n*s, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labour.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss

The Response

Dear P*n*s:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You tend to throw up on the job.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina

 

[Guest123]

I've just had a #3 episode!!!!!!!!!

 

[Dave]

Go on then..

 

[Notsosmart]

If you wan't to experience all nine in one go try this response to the loaded question: 'Does my arse look big in this?' Answer: Well it takes the focus off of your face darling!

Alternatives to the theme include: does this make my arse look big? ~ No your arse makes your arse look Big!

Can't Understand why my wife won't talk to me

My brother in-law threw a piece of toilet paper at his girlfriend & said "here rub that on your ----" to her question what for? "well its worked on your arse hasn't it"

 

[Lilcurly]

Ha!! Not read the mens one before, very funny!

heh, & on the breasts side of things, you guys should pull in your beer guts & rub some quick grow into those receding hairlines first intet lol!

 

[Mac]

Ha!! Not read the mens one before, very funny!

heh, & on the breasts side of things, you guys should pull in your beer guts & rub some quick grow into those receding hairlines first intet lol!

Got a beer gut,but have a thick head of hair.How about you

 

[Dannyg83]

hahaha there quality , just showed them to my missus and she said "oh whatever"

 

[Lilcurly]

Well, luckily for me I don't have an receding patches either

 

[Notsosmart]

heh, & on the breasts side of things, you guys should pull in your beer guts & rub some quick grow into those receding hairlines first intet lol!

I like breasts so much I have grown a pair of my own

 

[Gravid]

We've all heard about people having guts or balls.
But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the lads, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, And having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying to your mothers ?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the lads smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the arse
and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty!"