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On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed
away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to
visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother
replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love
on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly
100 years old having sex would surely be asking for
trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago,
realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to
do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was
just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too
strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if
that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still
be alive today!"
 
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of
carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same
neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was
greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and
sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine
cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of
terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly
beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door,
and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his
mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed
him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage,
blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming
coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out
from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too
wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar
for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that
today would be your last day, and that we should do
something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "F**k him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
 

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