A new jokes thread for your amusement.

[Kate]

Wrong post

 

[specs]

Two women were playing golf one Saturday.

The first teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed straight for a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Indeed the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.

She said "Please allow me to help I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."

"I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes" he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside.

She began to massage him.

She then asked him "How does that feel?"

To which he replied "It feels great but my thumb still hurts like hell

 

[specs]

An old man woke up in the middle of the night and found, to his utter astonishment, that his manhood was as hard as a rock for the first time in two years.

He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and showed her his enormous boner.

"You see that, woman?" he happily exclaimed. "What do you think we ought to do with it?"

With one eye open, his wife replied, "Well, now that you've got all the wrinkles out, might be a good time to wash it."

 

[dan86]

"You're the cutest, most gorgeous woman I've ever seen..."

"You just want to have sex with me."

"...and you're pretty clever too."

 

[dan86]

I've just seen a ---- version of the Simpsons, in which Marge pleasures herself with a bottle of beer.

It's the first time I've ever seen the duff up a woman.

 

[specs]

man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to GOD.

"GOD", he said, "How long is a million years?"

"In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."

"GOD," The man asked, "How much is a million dollars?"

"To Me, it's a dime."

"GOD," The man then asked, "Can I have a dime?"

"Sure. In a minute."

 

[bertt]

some... compulsory tests when was originally designed the world ..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6t7jMuNVvyE
bertt.

 

[Spoon]

After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me.
She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
"Fair enough," I replied, groping her breasts.

 

[dan86]

After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me.
She said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
"Fair enough," I replied, groping her breasts.

I was gonna write that one!

 

[Spoon]

I was gonna write that one!

Got it as a text last night.