A new jokes thread for your amusement.

[Silly Sausage]

First rule of Thesaurus Club is you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.

 

[tidyboiler]

Well.......................it's true!

 

[telectrix]

nah, women are bad at parking because all they can use a mirror for is their make-up.

 

[tidyboiler]

Nurse................ the screens!

 

[Kamikaze]

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

 

[Silly Sausage]

I was just about to have ---- sex with this girl I've been with for the last 2 days anyway she's been umming and arring about it...So I said ...
"Right if you don't like it and you want me to stop... We can Just use the safe word"
So she said
" ok, what's the safe word?"
So I told her ...














"Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch "

 

[tidyboiler]

Perfect!!!

 

[Geordie Spark]

View attachment 20546

Perfect!!!

Yes pet.

 

[ian.settle1]

View attachment 20546

Perfect!!!

Poor Geordie

 

[tidyboiler]

Yes pet.

Don't worry darling...................... soon be your birthday!!! :rofl:

 

[Geordie Spark]

Don't worry darling...................... soon be your birthday!!! :rofl:

Champion !

 

[telectrix]

ye'll need to have yer annual bath , geordie.

 

[Geordie Spark]

ye'll need to have yer annual bath , geordie.

Aye ...... whether I need one or not.

 

[Earthstore]

Bloke walks into a garage and say's "whatever car key you stick up my arse I will be able to tell you what car it is from", so the mechanic tells him to bend over and sticks a key up there, the bloke say's "er, um Ford Focus" and he is correct, so they try another, er, um.... Volkswagon Golf, and again he is correct.

So the mechanic thinks I will catch him out here and sticks a spark plug up there and the bloke says, Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Ohhhhhhh............ Champion.

 

[dan86]

I don't mean to brag, but my credit card balance has been called outstanding