A new jokes thread for your amusement.

[specs]

'Mr Murphy,' said the boarding house landlady, 'I wonder if you would do me a great favour and change the lightbulb in the dining room?'

'Certainly,' said Murphy. Taking the bulb in his hand he stepped on to the highly polished dining table in his hobnailed boots and proceeded to set about the task.

'Hold on,' exclaimed the startled landlady, 'I'll get a sheet of paper to go under your feet.'

'No need,' said Murphy, 'I can reach already.'

 

[Darkwood]

Specs ... recalling an earlier post i think i can suggest a way to earn your recognition and feel the reward of the content to this thread...

Rather than going for a Trusted badge why not ask Admin for a personal status like 'King Joker' under your name or similar this would be better suited and unique.

 

[Plonker 3]

Paddy rings the RSPCA emergency line and said."Ive just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs." "Thats terrible" replied the operator. "Are they moving?"...."Im not sure to be honest" Paddy said."But I suppose that would explain the suitcase."

 

[specs]

My Travel Plans for 2013-2014

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can't go alone.
You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito.
I hear no one recognises you there.

I have, however, been in Sane.
They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there.
I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump,
and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt.
That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible,
but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable,
and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favourite places to be is in Suspense!
It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart!
At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent,
and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.
They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

PLEASE DO YOUR PART!

Today is one of the many National Mental Health Days throughout the year.
You can do your bit by remembering to send this e-mail to at least one unstable person.

My job is done!

Life is too short for negative drama and petty things.

So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!
Well that forgiveness part is up to you!!!

From one unstable person to another...
I hope everyone is happy in your head - we're all doing pretty well in mine!

 

[specs]

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?



























...full...

from: Pablo Francisco

 

[specs]

Specs ... recalling an earlier post i think i can suggest a way to earn your recognition and feel the reward of the content to this thread...

Rather than going for a Trusted badge why not ask Admin for a personal status like 'King Joker' under your name or similar this would be better suited and unique.

Thought about it, then thought to myself ' what about ' Dan86 ' he deserves recognition as well. OK he only posts shorties cos he doesn't like longies, what would be his title, ' little prince'. ' No ', I have decided to take no further action. I will say that I logged on this morning and there were 10 guests and '1' member ie me logged into the jokes thread that was at about 4.30 AM.. I checked a couple of other threads and 'nothing'.. I contribute to this site not because I have to, but because I want to, as do all of us. I get a bit bored reading the same stuff over and over again so I don't bother to reply to every thread. Having said that , I do enjoy reading thru some of the questions, because I know 'as do we all, that none of us know everything, cos if we did we would be millionaires and would employ someone else to answer all these questions. signed Alfred ' for and on behalf of' Specs ' The Magnificent'

 

[telectrix]

gave you a like for that, specs. now just wondering why. LOL.

 

[specs]

gave you a like for that, specs. now just wondering why. LOL.

Specs says' cos he deserves it ' Alfred

 

[telectrix]

make sure you don't burn the cakes.

 

[dan86]

Thought about it, then thought to myself ' what about ' Dan86 ' he deserves recognition as well. OK he only posts shorties cos he doesn't like longies, what would be his title, ' little prince'. ' No ', I have decided to take no further action. I will say that I logged on this morning and there were 10 guests and '1' member ie me logged into the jokes thread that was at about 4.30 AM.. I checked a couple of other threads and 'nothing'.. I contribute to this site not because I have to, but because I want to, as do all of us. I get a bit bored reading the same stuff over and over again so I don't bother to reply to every thread. Having said that , I do enjoy reading thru some of the questions, because I know 'as do we all, that none of us know everything, cos if we did we would be millionaires and would employ someone else to answer all these questions. signed Alfred ' for and on behalf of' Specs ' The Magnificent'

cheers!

 

[specs]

cheers!

Dan I enjoy your shorties, its a shame you don't enjoy my longies. To anyone reading this 'this is not a sexual thing' at least not from me, dan86 will have to speak for himself.

 

[specs]

EU Directive No . 456179





In order to bring about further integration with the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase 'Spending a Penny' is not to be used after 31st December 2013 . . .. .

From this date onwards, the correct terminology will be:




'Euronating'. Thank you for your attention

 

[dan86]

this is getting a bit weird specs!
and I don't not like the 'longies' I just quite often cba reading them! usually go back later on and read em though.
funny, this seems to be one of the very few topics I get email notifications for. everytime I get an email with your name in it I genuinely have a quiet laugh to myself!

 

[HandySparks]

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

...full...

from: Pablo Francisco

Truly gross! :sick:

 

[specs]

this is getting a bit weird specs!
and I don't not like the 'longies' I just quite often cba reading them! usually go back later on and read em though.
funny, this seems to be one of the very few topics I get email notifications for. everytime I get an email with your name in it I genuinely have a quiet laugh to myself!

Dan this is your natural habitat , I spend all day changing light bulbs cu's and cables , I like to be entertained when I get home, and this site + a couple of others give me the relaxation I need to endure.