Can anyone top this funny situation

millwall ken · Mar 3, 2011

Hi all,
Its been a bit glum on the old forum lately, so I thought that I'd tell you of something that happened a few years ago on site - It was only talking to a mate, that he reminded me of it.
Once upon a time, at a site in West London, it was a beautiful sunny day. I was just going on a late lunch break with the Govnor and a couple of the other lads to the site canteen. Now to get to the site canteen we had to walk though the carpark.
And what do we see on the grass verge as we're all walking though it? Only one of the agency lads eating his lunch!!!
And? You ask, so what...
Except this fella was spread out on a large red and white checkered table cloth with a wicker basket picnic box full of cheeses, meats etc etc. He was eating a piece of fried chicken, and drinking a bottle of red wine - from a proper wine type glass, I might add!!!
We all stared at each other in amazement, anyway the Govnor walked over to him and asked him what he's doing. He replied 'Oh you know man, just eating lunch innit...' The Govnor retorted that 'you can't go around drinking on site though'. He then told the Govnor, to 'chill out', as it was only his second bottle. It was then that one of us noticed TWO over bottles in the bottom of the basket...
Anyway, the Govnor told him, in the nicest possible fashion that when he had finished his lunch, would he be so kind as to collect his tools and leave site.
Imagine our surprise when he turned up for work in the morning - and obviously by this time the word had spread around site like wildfire.
This time however the Boss wasn't so polite in his invitation for this fella to leave site.

mogga · Mar 4, 2011

30 ft up at a street light renewing the photcell when this person appeared at the window and started going off on one accusing me of workin for PC plod and the photocell was a camera being installed to check on him I looked around his window had truck mirrors (4) pointing all over the place and one looking down toward the security door of the close Next day we were called to same street and met by police HE had ripped off every door and smashed all the cutouts PILLOCK

ian.settle1 · Mar 4, 2011

Remember someyears back when I was working for P & O Cruises we drydocked in Sembawang in Singapore, after finishing for the day we went up to the local village for a few beers.

At the end of the night we walking back to the shipyard when it was noticed that the electrical superintendent was missing, so we all turned round to go look for him, due to the amount of rain they get there during the rainy season along the side of the roads they have storm drains approximately 3 foot wide and 4 foot deep to take the rain away.

And there he was trying to climb out of this drain, it turned out that he had fallen in when no one was looking.

mogga · Mar 4, 2011

Arrived on site 0730 gaffer hadnt turned up by 0830 (neither had apprentice site manager Site agent Site joiner AC Manager All from down south) phones the gaffer he sounded rough n asked if apprentice was there as they were out and he haddnt seen the apprentice Apprentice hadnt ansrewed his phone n we all made up sinarios like "hes pulled Big Senga n shes tied him to the bed n ravaging his young body along with her 6 pals" "hes been lifted by easteren europeans and they are abusing him" hes been mugged and down an alley" gaffer turns up on job to be met by us all telling him whatwith great gusto all the things we had come up with followed by me saying " Youll have to knock on his mums door n tell her " Mrs ________ Iv lost your son he was last seen at the lap dancing in glasgow n noone knows whats happened!!!"
by 1000 Gaffer has gone back to the hotel n I Phoned local city cntr cop shop requesting if they had any information of any assaults ect involving a small drunk english lad They asked his name and then told me He had left them about 10mins ago heading for site via somewhere to get food Wallet intact Trousers intakt but head all over the place he had been lifted for his own good as he couldnt even tell them where he was staying WHAT a laff as 21yr old gaffer arrived back on site sweating like a pig and apprentice toddled on site as if he had just been to the shop for rolls

thekingiam · Mar 4, 2011

was working on ship in barcelona for my old man who was supervising about twenty of us, me and my brother coming back to ship early about 11 ish see my old man with captain coming down gangplank obviously taking him out for a meal to butter him up for more work.
anyways one of our welders came around the corner ----ed as a fart, unable to walk to the gangplank suddenly fell down and cracked his head open, my father and the captain went to pick him back up but he thought he was being attacked and started punching captain and the old man ,it ends up with them both pinning him on the floor then frowing him a empty container and locking him in for the night.
next day he didnt no why he was given his plane tickets back home.

mogga · Mar 5, 2011

hope he didnt visit Duty free lol

thekingiam · Mar 5, 2011

probably aparently he liked his drink too much.

Knobhead · Mar 5, 2011

Two of us decided to “borrow” the works Land Rover and go on a pub crawl. Fine until we backed over a broken pallet with the nails stuck out. No jack, spare wheel in the fitters lock up. Ever tried driving a Landy 5 miles with a flat?

wee_ron · Mar 5, 2011

I was working on a site in Belfast which was full of apprentice sparks (including myself). One of the apprentices was a complete pot head and every single day he was on the job he was smoking weed. He would have a smoke before work, tea time and lunchtime. He was constantly walking about like a zombie. Needless to say that he failed most of is exams and is now doing something completely different. About 18 months after the waster was sacked I asked the chargehand if he knew that the said individual was smoking constantly (I was not grassing as this person has no chance of a job with the firm) but he didnt have a clue. The chargehand just thought he was just naturally dozy and thick.

Another apprentice on the same job was in the store cutting up some unistrut to make brackets for containment. He decided he needed a cigarette so he lit up (smoking ban was in effect). He was smoking away, with one hand on the chop saw and the other on the cigarette in his mouth, when the MD of our firm walked in on him and said, " WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?". And his reply was priceless, "ITS OK, THERE IS AN ASHTRAY THERE". lol Some stupid people in this world.......

somersetsparks · Mar 5, 2011

Another apprentice on the same job was in the store cutting up some unistrut to make brackets for containment. He decided he needed a cigarette so he lit up (smoking ban was in effect). He was smoking away, with one hand on the chop saw and the other on the cigarette in his mouth, when the MD of our firm walked in on him and said, " WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?". And his reply was priceless, "ITS OK, THERE IS AN ASHTRAY THERE". lol Some stupid people in this world.......

Yep, he has to learn smoking is allowed only when there are no suits about...