Coronavirus - Keeping it light :-)

[littlespark]

There’s a “W” missing somewhere on that box.

Remember to fill the box with strawberry jelly as a replacement for 2 part resin (better insulation qualities than lime flavour) and seal the lid with sellotape when it’s done.

 

[davesparks]

Oh no no no that enclosure is clearly not approved for use with connector blocks!
That enclosure must only be used with twisted wires wrapped in sellotape, preferably a loose twist after you have cut through half of the strands whilst stripping the insulation.

 

[Mike Johnson]

Child logic again:

Teacher: What is H2O

Pupil: I, J, K, L, M, N.

 

[telectrix]

primary school class.....

previuos day, children have been on a trip to a farm, seeing the farmyard animals..

teacher: "now children , let's see what you have learnt; can anyone tell me what a cow soiunds like?"

all hands go up, including Winston, the only black pupil in the class

Teacher: "Yes, Wendy, how does a cow sound"

Wendy: " moo, miss, moo"

Teacher:"Very good, now someone tell me how a lamb sounds?"

Winston is waving frantically

"Go on Julia, how does a lamb sound?"

"Baa, miss, baa"

"very good" says teacher. now how about a pig?

Winston is going bananas.

" OK Winston, how does a pig sound?"

Winston: " Freeze Mother f*cker"

 

[OnlQQker]

Can see this happening...

 

[Baddegg]

I’ve got a mate that did that to his Mrs for a laugh!....we don’t talk about that when she’s about...??

 

[NDG Elecs]

A fact I regularly remind her of mate.....she counters with silly facts and statistics that women generally get lesser sentences and could’ve killed me twice....at least?

I remember (fondly (?)) when my otherwise intelligent ex wife asked whether a lunar eclipse was when the sun came between the Earth and our moon....hmmmm... That would be a hot day...????

 

[OnlQQker]

Just a quick 'Heads Up' before I go to bed!

 

[OnlQQker]

Donald having his corona checks

 

[richy3333]

My 6 year old children had an online assembly/meet up yesterday with their school friends and headteacher. Head teacher gave them a quiz where groups had to answer questions with 3 examples. Teacher to my children - ‘name 3 cats’ my children ‘big cat, little cat and medium cat’! Nearly spat my tea out. I wouldn’t mind but my daughter spends half her day pretending to be a tiger or a lion.

 

[Mike Johnson]

Do some good for yourself, particularly in these trying times. . .

We’re all getting older, and I have started to realise the importance of exercise, therefore I have devised the following.

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 40

1. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
2. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.
Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
3. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
4. Then try 20-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 50-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)
5. After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

 

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[OnlQQker]

Don't try this at home

 

[static zap]

Child's play

(I'm missing the seaside)

 

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