Electrical Definitions

[Kamikaze]

Electrical Definitions
Electrical contractor: A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

Bid Opening: A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

Low Bidder: An electrical contractor who is wondering what the hell he has left out.

Engineer's Estimate: The cost of construction in Heaven.

Project Manager: The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a differend wage bracket.

Critical Path Method: A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

HSE: A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, split hairs, red tape and nonsense. Usually applied at random with a shot gun.

Strike: An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

Delayed Payment: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

Completion Date: The point at which liquidated damages begin.

Liquidated Damages: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

Can you think of any more?

 

[telectrix]

potential difference: the gap between what the job's worth and what the customer wants to pay.

circuit impedance: the resistance of the customer to get his check book out.

trip time: the time it takes a customer to get to the cash point, coz. his last cheque bounced.

 

[Kamikaze]

lol....I knew you would not let me down :tounge_smile:

 

[johnboy6083]

Bonding: the proess of the boss taking you too one side, and asking a favour.
Testing: the act of trying to keep your cool while bonding.
Snagging: the client trying to find any possible excuse for getting out of paying on time, or paying at all.

 

[telectrix]

Certifying: a process to be applied to 75% of customers.

Separation: the art of getting the customer to part with cash/cheque.

Diversity: the difference between cash payers and the " cheque's in the post" brigade.

Segregation: keeping the potential customer away from joe in the pub who will do it for £20

 

[Kamikaze]

Loose screw: An electrician with a technical malfunction.

PME Export: Electricians favourite tipple.

Back EMF: Not 100% sure but it's got something to do with a European Market subsidy.

Step up/down transformer: An electricians favourite dance.

 

[Kamikaze]

Additional protection: Not giving the customer your real name.

Functional testing: A timeless method of verifying the calibration of test equipment using the apprentice.

Erection methods: Usually quick & up against the wall.

 

[Kamikaze]

For the life of me can’t think of one for Reverse Polarity

 

[telectrix]

unbalanced load...... a pint in one hand and a double scotch in the other.

 

[telectrix]

reverse polarity..... eddie izzard.

 

[Kamikaze]

I really like those.....pml :tounge_smile:

 

[telectrix]

flashover...... pervert with a microlight

 

[telectrix]

containment.... isolating immigrants on the isle of wight and importing seychelles sharks.

 

[mattmoo1974]

Correct disconnection time= She enjoyed it as well!!

 

[mattmoo1974]

Touch Voltage= My aunty isnt down from reading.....