Funnyest scam email enquiry ever?

[Selfmade]

As title, here it is:

Hello,


Myself and my family are in the process of moving in to the
house we currently live in. The survey has flagged up few
issues with some part of the building which they suggest
needs urgent attention.

We are sure you must be fully booked at this time of the
year, but we will appreciate if you can book us in for a good
time to start this job.

Would you be able to give a rough estimate as to how much
this kind of work is likely to cost.

We will aim to complete the purchase in the next couple of
weeks.

They have also mentioned a couple of some more minor issues
that could also do with a look at that might fall within your
remit such as clearing out gutters and some fencing issues in
the garden, painting/decorations, gas and heating and some
roofing jobs and some re-wiring and some electrical jobs

We would be very grateful for your thoughts.

Many Thanks

 

[Gavin John Hyde]

Funny I had the very same email! word for word, also got this one, made me chuckle.

Dear Friend.
It's, my good pleasure to contact you for this business, I am the General Manager in Charge of Audit Section in BOA Bank of Africa Branch Burkina Faso west Africa,I hoped that you will not expose or betray this trust and confident that I am about to repose on you for the mutual benefit of our both families.
During our bank final year Audit Checking held on 15/18th December 2018, I discovered a Fund files in my office department, and I carried out my investigations, and I find-out that the fund belong to our late deceased customer (Dr. Ahmad Mohy) a Libyan citizen) He was the former Minister of road in Libya, and his among the people who died with his entire family in (Libya Hit Bomb Attack By Nato) Since 7th August 2011. leaving nobody for the claims.
Now I need your urgent assistance in transferring the money sum of ($20.5 Million Dollars) Immediately into your personal account or company account, the fund has been dormant (in-active) for many years in our Bank custody and nobody has ever come for the claims,
I want our bank to release the fund to you as the business associate partner to the late deceased customer (Dr.Ahmad Mohy the owner of the dormant account) who died along with his entire family in (Libya Hit Bomb Attack By Nato) Since 7th August 2011,Because i don't want the fund to go into our Bank treasury as an abandoned unclaimed fund, So this is the reason why I contacted you, for our Bank to release the fund to you as the nearest business Associate partner to the late deceased customer.
Once again this is a genuine business transaction only i cannot operate it alone without using a Foreigner according to the laws guiding our bank here in West Africa Banks that's the reason why I am contacting you in this manner to be my partner, and for you to stand with me, as the business associate partner for our bank management to release the fund and make transfer into your bank account.
Bear with me I am here to guide you and to direct you on what to do as soon as we start the process, and you will have 40% of the above mentioned amount if you agree to help me execute this business. And also 5% will be set aside for any expenses (You and I) did on the process of this business transaction and 55% will be for me. This business transaction is 100% Risk free so feel free and be my partner in this business for your own good.
Please I would like you to keep this proposal as a top secret for yourself only, and before we can proceed you have to forward to me your details information about yourself such as below:
1. Your Full Name:..........
2. A copy of your passport or national identity card:....
3. Your Home Addresses:........
4. Private Telephone:........
5. Country:..................
6. Home Telephone:...........
7. Fax No:...................
8. Marital Status:...........
9. Age:......................
10.occupation:...............
After receiving your mail and your details information’s, I will send to you application form of Request, which you will fill and send to our bank foreign remittance office Service Email; for the fund to be released and transfer into your bank account and also note that you will have 40% of the above mentioned amount if you agree to help me execute this business.
And also 5% will be set aside for expenses (You and I) did on the process of getting the fund transferred into your personal or company Account, and 55% will be for me. Once again this transaction is 100% risk free.
Thanks for your understanding and i need your urgent response, so that we can proceed immediately.
Regards.
Mr.Jonas Oheban.

 

[buzzlightyear]

two words for them $%$%%*&.said it .

 

[The Ghost]

A mate of mines Dad actually believed and responded to that scam @Gavin John Hyde and despite urgent warnings not to he lost thousands /sigh! No cure for idiocy.
Oh and @Selfmade I have had the same and similar emails in my junk folder though.

 

[buzzlightyear]

has soon has they come in junk ,and the same person goes to junk.

 

[buzzlightyear]

next time I will ask them to send money to me swiss account .

 

[FatAlan]

Thing is these scams work. I’ve had a couple of people come up to me recently having received letters through the post in a similar vein.
The other soft targets are desperate people using dating websites. Bogus profiles that suck people in, build up a relationship and then spin sob stories of various types that always end up with requests for money usually to be sent via Western Union or Money Gram.
By the way, I’m a US serviceman currently serving in Iraq. I want to spend the rest of my life with you in the UK. I’ve been gifted a couple of million dollars in gold that was recovered from the Iraqi administration. My brother is bringing it to the UK. Will you meet him at City Airport to take possession until my tour of duty has finished and I can come an join you. Brother fails to turn up at airport. Phone call received .., plane was diverted to Amsterdam and gold had been impounded by Dutch customs. I have no funds left, can you send me £5k so that I can get the gold released by the Dutch? Money sent. Process is repeated. Had one victim that lost over £800k !

 

[PEG]

So,what you're trying to tell me,is,this Nigerian prince i have been sending money to,is not investing it in a vegan zoo theme park?

 

[kropaske]

There is another one for your amusement

Hello!

I have very bad news for you.
19/08/2018 - on this day I hacked your OS and got full access to your account

So, you can change the password, yes... But my malware intercepts it every time.

How I made it:
In the software of the router, through which you went online, was a vulnerability.
I just hacked this router and placed my malicious code on it.
When you went online, my trojan was installed on the OS of your device.

After that, I made a full dump of your disk (I have all your address book, history of viewing sites, all files, phone numbers and addresses of all your contacts).

A month ago, I wanted to lock your device and ask for a not big amount of btc to unlock.
But I looked at the sites that you regularly visit, and I was shocked by what I saw!!!
I'm talk you about sites for adults.

I want to say - you are a BIG pervert. Your fantasy is shifted far away from the normal course!

And I got an idea....
I made a screenshot of the adult sites where you have fun (do you understand what it is about, huh?).
After that, I made a screenshot of your joys (using the camera of your device) and glued them together.
Turned out amazing! You are so spectacular!

I'm know that you would not like to show these screenshots to your friends, relatives or colleagues.
I think $788 is a very, very small amount for my silence.
Besides, I have been spying on you for so long, having spent a lot of time!

Pay ONLY in Bitcoins!
My BTC wallet: 1MbdGY1LVr6gEjyN3Rok5HQDQcjWbYmLds

You do not know how to use bitcoins?
Enter a query in any search engine: "how to replenish btc wallet".
It's extremely easy

For this payment I give you two days (48 hours).
As soon as this letter is opened, the timer will work.

After payment, my virus and dirty screenshots with your enjoys will be self-destruct automatically.
If I do not receive from you the specified amount, then your device will be locked, and all your contacts will receive a screenshots with your "enjoys".

I hope you understand your situation.
- Do not try to find and destroy my virus! (All your data, files and screenshots is already uploaded to a remote server)
- Do not try to contact me (this is not feasible, I sent you an email from your account)
- Various security services will not help you; formatting a disk or destroying a device will not help, since your data is already on a remote server.

P.S. You are not my single victim. so, I guarantee you that I will not disturb you again after payment!
This is the word of honor hacker

I also ask you to regularly update your antiviruses in the future. This way you will no longer fall into a similar situation.

Do not hold evil! I just do my job.
Have a nice day!

Where is modern world going...

 

[Deleted member 26818]

I just want to know how they can film me through my computer, when I don’t have a web cam?

 

[stevethesparks]

Anyone heard of UK assistance. Just got a voicemail from them. I understand its an un-branded part of RBS, but wondered how they treat the contractors they issue work to?

 

[PEG]

I just want to know how they can film me through my computer, when I don’t have a web cam?

...I've spent hours,camoed up,in that tree opposite your bedroom window...i think you owe me a bit coin,for that...

 

[sparksfly]

I just want to know how they can film me through my computer, when I don’t have a web cam?

You know that male bee hovering outside your window the other day !(...or was it half a bee !)

 

[Timbo]

Wouldn't it be a spider for a web cam?

 

[Squid]

I just want to know how they can film me through my computer, when I don’t have a web cam?

The monitor works a bit like a two way mirror, it's fairly easy to hack that feature over the net form the ip addy you use to connect to on here.

By the way you really need to clean your monitor, its disgusting what you get up to........