"What is it exactly that I know so little about then?"
Okay, we'll start with:
"A complete waste of money, time and effort to install a solar panel in the UK."
With subsidies, a PV system can pay for itself in just over 5 years. With rising energy prices, we are very quickly approaching a time where subsidies will no longer be required. Is it a waste of money? That is pretty subjective but a well informed person is unlikely to take that stance in my opinion.
"what you're left with is a rather expensive mess on your roof, an invitation to thieves and a danger in high winds."
Expensive mess? Again, this is subjective. And not at all relevant to the viability of solar. Invitation to thieves? It would appear not. Very few of them have been stolen (mainly due to the fact that removal is difficult, resale value is low and purchase price is low". Danger in high winds? Properly installed, it would seem not. We've had some pretty extreme weather lately and I haven't seen any stories of panels being a danger at all.
"All this for an astronomical sum of money that won't be recuperated for at least 25 years. I'd say anyone buying a solar PV system is either completely bonkers or has been missold the product!"
Systems don't take 25 years to pay for themselves. Even a badly installed, hugely overpriced system would pay for itself in less than that. I have a spreadsheet of all of our installs and less than 4% of them are looking like taking more than 10 years to pay for themselves. Most of them will pay for themselves in less than 7 years - all this at current electricity prices.
".......panels are only 30% efficient."
This isn't even remotely relevant. The sun is actually pretty powerful and this negates a lot of the inefficiency issues. Regardless, as the sun is free, the 30% (inaccurate) figure is entirely arbitrary.
"I will continue to think that people who blindly sing the praises of a power source that has been proven to be highly innefficient are slightly mad!"
Mad? Or simply informed?
"Fact from where? I have a friend with a 3kW system (all south east facing) and his produces roughly a third of that?! Explain that?"
I can't explain it. What I would say is that your friend needs to investigate exactly why this is happening. If someone buys a car from a garage and it breaks down, he doesn't just ignore it and consider the automobile industry to be a waste of time.
"I have no experience of reading the masses of complaints out there from people who are confused as to why their PV system isn't performing as they were told it would!"
There isn't a mass of complaints about the viability of solar panels. Some systems have been mis-sold. Even the majority of these are outperforming predictions. The ones that have been correctly installed and sold are hugely outperforming.
Windows have been mis-sold in the past too. Does that mean that people with windows have simply been misled by salespeople?
"Haha, brilliant, so they are even worse that I thought! You prove my own point!"
I think you actually missed the point. Repeatedly.
"Well that is subject to opinion. You have stated yours, I have stated mine, can't really say much else other than mine is just as valuable as yours"
Not all opinions are equal. The right to express them is equal, the validity of them is not. If I turned up a CERN tomorrow and complained that they were using the Hadron Collider wrong as I'd read a couple of Daily Mail stories hysterically claiming that they risked creating a supermassive black hole, would it be accurate to say that my opinion was just as valuable?
"I'd sooner spend the money on LED lighting, correct insulation and A rated windows and still have enough money left over to go for a beer, or a thousand, after fitting it al"
Led lighting, insulation, windows. All excellent ideas and definitely worth implementing. This doesn't really say anything about the viability of PV though.
"From what I have seen and heard, I find these figures hard to believe, especially when the average light energy intensity in the UK on a south-facing roof is around 250 Watts per square metre (I can cite many sources for this figure). How is it possible for a 4kW system to produce 3600kWh per year???"
Well in that case you have seen and heard the wrong things. Either that or you have simply misunderstood.
"So you say you have an annual energy consumption of 5000kWh and you fitted a PV system of 4kW which should produce 4000kWh in a year? Why then has your energy consumption only halved? Shouldn't it have dropped by 80%?"
If every kWh of energy produced in the property was used then this is probably the figures you would expect. However, this is unlikely. Figures of around 50% use are more likely, depending on the habits of the homeowner.
"Essentially, there are fellas out there (not all I must add) robbing the tax payer blind because they have fitted a 4kW system to a north facing and shaded roof."
Did you hear the one about the guy who ripped off British Rail? He bought a return ticket and never came back.
If someone has installed on a north facing roof, then his predicted yield figures should simply reflect that - figures which are actually better than you might expect. That way no one has been ripped off, not the installers, homeowner nor the tax payer.
"People should get paid for what they ACTUALLY produce, rather than what the installer says it will produce under standard test conditions"
Sounds like a great idea. If only they'd have thought of that when they introduced the Feed In Tariff scheme. Oh, wait a minute.... that's right. They did.
"the company still gets paid for 50% of the 1000kWh. This is how I understand it anyway. If I am wrong, tell me exactly how this is prevented?"
Prevent it for what reason?