You'll need to excuse the, highly respected, Geordie for his reply. You see he is probably fed up of people like yourself coming on and belittling our trade. If it's so easy why do you think we spend years learning how to do it safely and properly? Do you know how even a little mistake could kill you, or someone else! You have been given the best responses you are likely to recieve already and that is to get a qualified electrician in. It might blow the budget but can you put a price on someone's life? I'm not sure what you do but you could advertise locally, maybe someone would provide a favour for a favour type of deal or similar?