The Story of Creation ( according to the Electrician's Bible)

[telectrix]

In Seven days, God created the Universe and the Earth. Tired from His exertions, He then handed it over to Satan, who then created Niceic.

 

[Midwest]

How do you explain all this, if you are an atheist then.

 

[Pete999]

How do you explain all this, if you are an atheist then.

 

[Kamikaze]

And the Lord said unto Nic, hence forth thy electricians shall mysteriously disappeareth from the face of the Earth until though stopeth creating boil in the bag sparks. And so it came to pass that Nic's sparks, which passeth all understanding, were banished from all the dominions of the Earth and there was much rejoicing.

 

[Kamikaze]

But alas, the die had already been cast, the evil one EMMA had cast her spell on the electric World, gone were the real Electricians, priced out of all recognition, in it's place we had plastic Electricians, duped by the Trade Trainers into thinking they were real Electricians.
Through the medium of the Magic Box and the heathen sheds DIY reared it's ugly head, hordes of people thronged these Dens of inequity, buying sockets and switches, under the false illusion that they could fit them on their own, only to realise, that Electricians are made, not produced by 5 weeks of training.
Despite years of wringing of hands and wailing on Forums, this practice, has grown and grown out of all proportions, every day we are inundated with, how do I do this and how do I become an Electrician in 5 weeks, and can I sign this that or the other off. When will it end?

I was up really late last night making voodoo dolls for…well…never mind, she will know soon enough who she is.

 

[Pete999]

I was up really late last night making voodoo dolls for…well…never mind, she will know soon enough who she is.

Not Sparky chick surely, She has only been a Mod for a few days.

 

[oracle]

Wonder if that's how the Devil got to be called " Old NIC" Or was that Santa Clause?

Santa is an anagram for Satan Other clues, he wears red, makes promises he doesn't keep, flies through the air...

 

[Kamikaze]

Not Sparky chick surely, She has only been a Mod for a few days.

She is safe for the time being, unless she starts throwing her weight about.

 

[pirate]

look upon my works, you mighty, and despair...

honestly, you guys need to get a life...at least Ozymandius had a neon tester...
or a bloke who's finger he stuck in an orifice...

it's time for a story...about how, when involved in a deep-clean of my wife's study yesterday, I unearthed my "lost" CK electricians scissors...

"DON'T FKN STEAL MY STUFF, OK?!!!"

oh, sorry...

 

[sparkdog]

Let us conclude with the hymn
All things bright and beautiful
All dimmers great and small.

 

[oracle]

All things bright and beautiful,
All accessories large and small,
All things bright and beautiful
And Screwfix sells them all.

 

[gnuuser]

with hindsight, God would have created electricians in his own image ( ooh, he did.) then he looked at other trades such a s wet-pants and spreads, he the gave them carte blanc to bollox up electricians work. who ever said that God did not have a sense of humour?

of course he has a sense of humor he created mosquito's!

 

[Colin Jenkins]

they will only take notice if their money trough dries up.

Then there was light in all the land. And lo! Harmonisation was banished. The 19th Edition was written - it was A5 size, easily carried to site and understood, with no GNs, OSGs or Commentaries needed. Red and black colours were seen again in the land. Those of the Strange Colours Clan were banished to the desert along with all the 5WWs. Earthing and bonding was made clear in one page of the 19th Edition and all the multitude understood. And the merchants were made to produce consumer units with dual-screw tunnel connections; cage clamps and putty-head screws were cast out under pain of eternal torment. Apprenticeships were brought back and the wisdom & skills of the elders were passed on to their younger. The DNOs were compelled to restore TNS to the great cities and guarantee the earth, as had been in the times before the great harmonisation disturbance. Henceforth, the electrical community prospered in peace and harmony.

 

[Pete999]

Then there was light in all the land. And lo! Harmonisation was banished. The 19th Edition was written - it was A5 size, easily carried to site and understood, with no GNs, OSGs or Commentaries needed. Red and black colours were seen again in the land. Those of the Strange Colours Clan were banished to the desert along with all the 5WWs. Earthing and bonding was made clear in one page of the 19th Edition and all the multitude understood. And the merchants were made to produce consumer units with dual-screw tunnel connections; cage clamps and putty-head screws were cast out under pain of eternal torment. Apprenticeships were brought back and the wisdom & skills of the elders were passed on to their younger. The DNOs were compelled to restore TNS to the great cities and guarantee the earth, as had been in the times before the great harmonisation disturbance. Henceforth, the electrical community prospered in peace and harmony.

And then in a flash of lightening and claps of horrendous noise You woke up, the wondrous dream you had, paled into insignificance as you tried to find your place in the 18th edition you were studying in order to pass the silly exams they make us do every couple of years, as the EIT run short of funding

 

[oracle]

And then in a flash of lightening and claps of horrendous noise You woke up, the wondrous dream you had, paled into insignificance as you tried to find your place in the 18th edition you were studying in order to pass the silly exams they make us do every couple of years, as the EIT run short of funding

And Pete lived in the land where his father had stayed, When his brothers saw that the NICEIC loved him, they hated him and could not Post a kind word to him on the Forum .

Pete had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. He said to them, “Listen to this dream I had: We were installing power to a shed out in the field when suddenly my 18th edition rose and stood upright, while your guidance notes gathered around my Regs and bowed down to it."

His brothers said to him, “Do you intend to employ us? Will you actually rule over us? And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said.

 

[Pete999]

And Pete lived in the land where his father had stayed, When his brothers saw that the NICEIC loved him, they hated him and could not Post a kind word to him on the Forum .

Pete had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. He said to them, “Listen to this dream I had: We were installing power to a shed out in the field when suddenly my 18th edition rose and stood upright, while your guidance notes gathered around my Regs and bowed down to it."

His brothers said to him, “Do you intend to employ us? Will you actually rule over us? And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said.

Can't make out if you're having a dig at me Mate, still very funny all the same.