A new jokes thread for your amusement.

[specs]

Three Ladies are playing the fourth hole at a well-known golf course on the edge of Greenwood, when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green.

The three ladies stand in awe at the size of his manhood.

The first lady says, 'He is definitely not my husband.'

The second lady, gazes at his manhood and says, 'He is not mine either.'

After a very considered inspection, the third lady finally says, 'He's not even a member of this club!'

 

[specs]

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits

 

[specs]

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about Sex at that age."

"Curious about Sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

 

[specs]

Merseyside Police have announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi- automatic rifles.









with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank




missiles, 4 grenade launchers...









2 tons of heroin,





£25 million in forged notes and a ring of 25 prostitutes









on a housing estate behind Toxteth Public Library.









Toxteth folks were stunned. A community leader said:




"We is well shocked."




We never knew we had a library in Toxteth

 

[specs]

The lead actor in the local pantomime Aladdin was sexually abused from behind on stage last night. To be fair the audience did try to warn him

 

[specs]

A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon.

All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink.

The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I ask why'd ya kiss your horse on the butt?"

The cowboy says, "It's 'cause I got chapped lips."

The bartender asks, "Does manure help them heal?"

Cowboy replies, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."

 

[Darkwood]

Im risking it here .... a cartoon of Christ - I Feel the rise of the evil Christians against me ....:willy_nilly:

 

[telectrix]

haha. but herein lies a lot of the problem. christians and westerners in particular, can laugh at ourselves. muslims apparently cannot.

 

[Darkwood]

haha. but herein lies a lot of the problem. christians and westerners in particular, can laugh at ourselves. muslims apparently cannot.

Yes but Ironically Jesus is one of the Muslim prophets but seems to have different responses from that of Mohammed ... never saw any issue with the life of brian... anyway wrong thread for this discussion ... back to the Panarama thread for this

 

[trev]

To be fair there was an outcry about The Life Of Brian. Several Christian organisations called for blasphemy charges to be brought and there were death threats.

 

[jeremy]

Luckily, Brian wasn't the Messiah, just a very naughty boy.

 

[telectrix]

To be fair there was an outcry about The Life Of Brian. Several Christian organisations called for blasphemy charges to be brought and there were death threats.

yeah, but that was a few narrow minded bigots that could not see past the end of their noses. a bit like seeing blazing saddles as racist when clearly the message was anti-racist.

 

[telectrix]

went into a muslim bookshop today.

i asked the bearded one if he had any books about the BNP'

he said " Get out and stay out"

"That one will do" i said.

 

[Barry White]

another Blasphemer here

 

[Pete999]

another Blasphemer here

Well that'll get em going