Site Canteen

[Kamikaze]

This is what true love on the night shift looks like.:wink_smile:

 

[Kamikaze]

Barges into the canteen and finds the place abandoned. Looks like grantr37 hasn’t mopped the floor in ages. Ohhh well… best get on with it then! Got to get this place shipshape for tonight’s unofficial Crimbo knees-up…I mean night shift. Switches on the heating. Cleans the floor. Switches on the pinball machine. Hangs up the festive decorations. Fills the fridges with Sparky Juice and PME Export. Pizzas are on order for laters. Sticks £1 into the juke box (for fox sake, it was only 50p the last time I was in here). All that’s left to do now, is to get into my Santa outfit. I would just like to give a shout out to all the secretaries who don't need to dress half naked to get the attention of Santa clause. Stay classy! The rest of you, form an orderly line and come with me!

 

[Barry White]

Health and safety spoiler alert! Sounds like you need some of them "special balloons" Better to be safe than sorry.

 

[Kamikaze]

No thanks, the helium always makes me feel light-headed.

 

[HandySparks]

Hooray! Bad Santa's back.

 

[Kamikaze]

Hooray! Bad Santa's back.

Thanks for coming bro! We split the dough right down the middle. Any merchendise you take, I get to look at and cherry pick.

 

[Barry White]

Any chance of a cup of the stuff he /\ /\ is drinking

 

[Rpa07]

I almost liked a 2013 OP - I'll like @Kamikaze instead for opening the doors again. Not sure if the wife will allow me in here after hours.!

 

[Kamikaze]

The night shift started off a bit late. The captain of the starship and his 1st officer didn’t leave until 8pm. Don’t know why these bigwigs have to hang around this late on a Friday night. Anyways, The Gorilla was minding the main gate and scrutinising the work attire of the punters before he was letting them through the doors. Telectrix got turned away because he came dressed as Chewbacca. That was a proper wookie mistake! I would make a Davesparks the vampire hunter joke but I don’t think it would ever see the light of day. HandySparks broke the Bonnie Tyler jukebox. It was crap anyway! It kept telling him to turn around and every now and then it would fall apart. Mykey bought some steel toe cap boots off a local drugs dealer, Don’t know what he’s laced them with, but he’s been trippin ever since. Rpa07 finally found miss Moneypenny’s G-spot! Don’t worry about the wife bro, what happens in the canteen stays in the canteen. Grantr37 blew up one of the fridges. I think something may have gone off in there. Darkwood was riveting the ladies with his theory about calculating the circumference of the known universe to the width of a single atom with the first 39 digits of pi. Which was quite funny because Beachlover actually thought she was about to get some pie. But what I really want to know is, after a plethora of Sparky Juice, my mouth always feels so furry. What da hell does Pete999 put into them cocktails? I’m off to the Birmingham Christmas market today to confront my phobia of German sausages but I fear the wurst. I’m leaving the dishes for someone else to clean up. Laters my Ohmies!!!

 

[Kamikaze]

Popped my head in. Looks like the cleaners have been in and left a gratitude box for my attention. Of cause I will leave them a tip, it would be rude not to. Slips a note in “ Don’t kick big dogs ‘cause they bite”.
Eh oh… what’s this in the corner? A model 1015 Wurlitzer! Where did that come from? Oh look, it’s got Steve Winwood on it!

 

[Kamikaze]

Rides into the canteen on the sinclair C5 of interstellar taxis the “Skyjack SJ16” and finds the place looks like someone lost a game of Jumanji. Got instructions from the captain of the starship to stick a statue of Jesus on top of the Christmas tree. Personally, I think he’s lost the plot. What ever happened to the 12 days of Christmas and is it not too much to ask that for just one week a year, we can all enjoy Christmas without spoiling it with religion? Mind you, I miss the good old days when Lt. Uhura used to sit on my lap with all her hailing frequencies wide open. Back then mistletoe was fun and not sexual harassment. Anyways, I’ve got a copy of the Ferengi rules of acquisition in a tupperware box for Miss Moneypenny’s secret Santa this year. Hope she enjoys it!!! I know the internet needs me but I’ve got to get on with some work. Just remember, loose lips sink ships. Laters my ohmies!

 

[Kamikaze]

That was a hard slog but the canteen is shipshape again. Time to rescue some food and beer from the fridge. The captain will never know. It’s a good job he doesn’t have to hunt for his own food. He doesn’t even know where the sandwiches live. Although to be fair to him, we have strange customs here on the starship. The food has names here. Just helped myself to a sandwich from the fridge and its name is River Tam. Exactly the same name as our terminator infiltration unit. Bizarre!!! And whoever said great things come in small packages hasn’t seen that big projector screen I’ve put up for tomorrows showing of “Bad Santa”.

 

[Kamikaze]

Episode 1 of Lieutenant Commander Data ruined my week!

On a scale of one to afternoon tea, it sits firmly at Fawlty Towers. Data’s attempt of humour during the movie has landed him in a spot of bother. In the canteen twilight, he flashed his sausage roll at Deanna Troi. She should have seen that coming! Apparently this is a common occurrence outside McDonalds in Newcastle but on a starship this is frowned upon. Personally I blame the Captains insistence of keeping the crew on Brantisvogan standard time. A seventy-two hour day. After a few months you will either get used to it or you will have a psychotic episode. Anyway, I will try and show the movie again this evening and will get Seven of Nine to keep Data preoccupied with a game of hide the sausage.



Just think, google somewhere is storing this thread for posterity…lol.

 

[Kamikaze]

I’ve just been to a lawless KFC and it was like Mad Max but with old women and chickens. I barely got out with my bucket. Mike Tyson wouldn’t have lasted two minutes in there. Time to stick ITV 4 on the projector and watch Escape To Victory.

 

[Wilko]

Love it Kami
Your musings made me think of "What's Rangoon to you is Grafton to me" an Oz radio play. Link for your viewing enjoyment ...
http://www.simonrumble.com/psychedelicatessen/rangoon.mp3