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We should remember the tremendous contribution of the Queen Mother to the war effort: as the BBC pointed out, she 'bravely remained in London beside her husband' during the war. This contrasts sharply with the actions of my grandfather who, on the declaration of war immediately left his wife and children and p*ssed off, first to France, then North Africa, Italy, France (again) and finally Germany.
The shame will always be with us.
 
If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round, isn't it about time that the city of Derby received some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics?
 
'He could have fired a warning shot'






Burglar's sister says: "He could have used a warning first..."




From WTTC News in Dallas, we get this heart-warming tale of a long-time criminal, 33, named Deyfon Pipkins, who tried to climb in a window of a home.

The elderly owner inside saw him and fired one shot, ending Deyfon's criminal career.

As the police do, they came by, gathered the corpse, then went to notify Deyfon's family of his timely demise. It seems that the family was upset though, because they then showed up at the scene.

"He could have used a warning," Lakesha Thompson, Pipkins' sister-in-law, said. "He could have let him know that he did have a gun on his property and he would use it in selfdefense."

COMMENT FROM THE SIDELINE:

"That's certainly true, Lakesha. He could also have invited him in and given him a beer, then helped him cart the TV out to the curb. "Unfortunately for Deyfon, Texas is a Castle Doctrine state, and the homeowner chose to shoot Deyfon, as it is right and proper to do in Texas.

"For that matter, Lakesha, you could have warned Deyfon. Why didn't you tell him: " Deyfon, yo' needs to quit breakin' into those people’s houses and stealin' they stuff. Someone is goin’ to pop a cap in yo' ---.".

God must love stupid people; He made so many.
 
POST TURTLES

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the
doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.



Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.




The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Turtles'.''
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.

The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "







You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's
up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb idiot put him up there to begin with."

Best explanation of
politicians
I've ever heard
 
Cinderella for the dyslexic---------Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.

Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.

The sugly isters were right bugly astards.

One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers;they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies.

The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian.

She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks

The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve.

"Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.

The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella' s door and the sugly isters let him in.

Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart.

"Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome hince.

"Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.

When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers.

This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on.

He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married.

The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny
 
A mother is cleaning her sons room when she sees some magazines under his bed.....

Curious, she grabs the magazines just to find that they are S&M **** magazines. In her horror she screams.

Hearing her screams, the father rushes in, sees the wife crying, sits down next to her on the sons bed and asks "What's wrong?".

Pointing to the magazines in her hand he asks "What are those?" She hands him the magazines.

He flips through them, his eyes widen as he see's some of most explicit and disturbing S&M images his minds could have ever imagined.

The mother, between sobs, asks her husband "What are we ever going to do with this boy?"

The husband replies "Well, I don't know, but we're not going to spank him, that's for sure!"
 
Some bloke walked up to the counter and said "Burger and chips, please"

"Certainly sir!" I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"

"Fvk off you cvnt" he snapped, before walking off with his food.

I love working in the prison canteen.
 
LAWS ARE NOW IN CONFORMANCE WITH THE BIBLE


MARIJUANA & MARRIAGE



Washington State just passed two laws:


1. Legalized gay marriage


2. Legalized marijuana


The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense, because:


Leviticus 20:13 says: "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."


It appears that we just hadn't interpreted it correctly before now.


















 

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