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dan86
was bored this morning so made this
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If you had a good laugh at the Veet for men reviews on Amazon, have a look at the reviews for sugar free gummi bears.
Amazon.com: Customer Reviews: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag
Amazon.com: Customer Reviews: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag
As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases.
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Silly Sausage
Juan Mata has just been arrested for doing a U-turn on the M6. :smilielol5:
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tazz
Corry was so sad tonight
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steve50
A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion,
multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around
his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, 'What happened to YOU?'
'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife,
when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle.
We went to look for them and while I was looking around I
noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.'
'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there
was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle
of the cow's fanny.
Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife,
'Hey, this looks like yours!'
'I don't remember much after that!'
multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around
his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, 'What happened to YOU?'
'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife,
when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle.
We went to look for them and while I was looking around I
noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.'
'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there
was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle
of the cow's fanny.
Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife,
'Hey, this looks like yours!'
'I don't remember much after that!'
S
steve50
NORTHERNERS
Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven , God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day, resting. He
enquired of God,
'Where have you been?'
God pointed downwards through the clouds.
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?'
'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it
Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.'
'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth. 'For example,
North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while South
America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot,
and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white
people and over there is a continent of black people.'
God continued, pointing to the different countries. This one will be
extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.'
The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of
land
and asked, 'What's that?'
'Ah,' said God. 'That's the North of England, the most glorious place on
earth. There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams in the
North West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of the world's
finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The
people from the North of England are going to be modest, intelligent and
humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be
extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known
throughout the world as speakers of truth.'
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,
'What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!'
God replied very wisely,
'Wait till you see the bunch of ----ers I'm putting down South to govern the
country!'
Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven , God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day, resting. He
enquired of God,
'Where have you been?'
God pointed downwards through the clouds.
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?'
'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it
Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.'
'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth. 'For example,
North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while South
America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot,
and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white
people and over there is a continent of black people.'
God continued, pointing to the different countries. This one will be
extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.'
The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of
land
and asked, 'What's that?'
'Ah,' said God. 'That's the North of England, the most glorious place on
earth. There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams in the
North West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of the world's
finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The
people from the North of England are going to be modest, intelligent and
humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be
extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known
throughout the world as speakers of truth.'
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,
'What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!'
God replied very wisely,
'Wait till you see the bunch of ----ers I'm putting down South to govern the
country!'
S
steve50
IT’S A BOY!" he shouted. "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY!" And with tears streaming down his face
he swore he’d never visit another Thai Brothel!
he swore he’d never visit another Thai Brothel!
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pepparz
Why has NASA never sent a woman to the moon......
Because it doesn't need ironing!!!
Because it doesn't need ironing!!!
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pepparz
Father and young son in bath:
son: dad whats that between your legs?
father: errm..its a hedgehog.
son: jesus christ dad, its got a big c*ck.
son: dad whats that between your legs?
father: errm..its a hedgehog.
son: jesus christ dad, its got a big c*ck.
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pepparz
Apparently tampons dont constitute presents!!
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pepparz
I used to be a necrophiliac till some rotten c**t split on me.
(sorry)
[h=2][/h]
(sorry)
[h=2][/h]
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pepparz
I'm not paranoid, but I know u think I am.
zap
-
No no no...
E
Earthstore
A little ditty to get the other half in the mood maybe?
Or a chat up line for the pub?
Roses are red
Violets are green
I like your legs
And what's in between
Or a chat up line for the pub?
Roses are red
Violets are green
I like your legs
And what's in between
D
dan86
D
dan86
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Silly Sausage
I hope that's not Geordie's MR2 after he gets his V6 in! :smilielol5:
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Silly Sausage
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dan86
stolen from a friends Facebook...
Look at posting 1529
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dan86
hmm, all I can see on my phone is an empty box but can see the comment. assume its the same pic?
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Guest111
just been thrown out of my local pub,apparently ramming a load of 10p pieces down the throat of the landlord's ginger tom wasn't what they meant when they asked me to put a quid in the kitty.
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steve50
This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade.
So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded :
" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there ? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there ?"
"We're taking British Airways," was the reply. "We got a great rate !"
"BA ?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of BA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million remodelling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge !"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I bet you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand ! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really ! What'd he say ?"
He said : "Who the F**k did your hair ?"
So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded :
" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there ? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there ?"
"We're taking British Airways," was the reply. "We got a great rate !"
"BA ?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of BA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million remodelling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge !"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I bet you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand ! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really ! What'd he say ?"
He said : "Who the F**k did your hair ?"
J
jaypp
how do you 'pull' a horizontally challenged (pc term for overweight i believe) member of the opposite (or same if so inclined) sex?
'piece of cake'!
'piece of cake'!
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pepparz
This one probably belongs in this section:
Buckaroo, anyone played this version?
Well what u do is this. When u mount the wife tonight enter through the tradesmans entrance and when you've got a decent rhythm going call her by someone else's name, then see how long u can stay on. And thats how u play buckaroo.
u can also to time trials and compare times with ur mates.
Buckaroo, anyone played this version?
Well what u do is this. When u mount the wife tonight enter through the tradesmans entrance and when you've got a decent rhythm going call her by someone else's name, then see how long u can stay on. And thats how u play buckaroo.
u can also to time trials and compare times with ur mates.
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TPES
T
tazz
Something to remember her/him/it by..
..
..
M
MDJ
A policeman in Sydney , Australia pulled over a driver who had been weaving in and out of the traffic.
He approached the car window and said "Sir I need you to blow into this breathalyser".
The man reaches into his pocket and produces a doctor's note.
On it was written: "This man suffers from chronic asthma. Do not make him perform any action that may leave him short of breath".
The policeman said "Okay then I need you to come and give a blood sample"
The man produced another letter.
This one said: "This man is a haemophiliac. Please do not cause him to bleed in any way".
So the officer said: "Right, I need a urine sample then".
The man produces a third letter from his pocket.
It read: "This man plays Cricket for England , please don't take the **** out of him"
He approached the car window and said "Sir I need you to blow into this breathalyser".
The man reaches into his pocket and produces a doctor's note.
On it was written: "This man suffers from chronic asthma. Do not make him perform any action that may leave him short of breath".
The policeman said "Okay then I need you to come and give a blood sample"
The man produced another letter.
This one said: "This man is a haemophiliac. Please do not cause him to bleed in any way".
So the officer said: "Right, I need a urine sample then".
The man produces a third letter from his pocket.
It read: "This man plays Cricket for England , please don't take the **** out of him"
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steve50
At any given moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading this post.
You hang in there, sunshine!
FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading this post.
You hang in there, sunshine!
E
Earthstore
So who out there knows that Jesus used to ride a motorbike?
It is true, it is even written in the bible....
"You could hear the roar of his Triumph all over Jerusalem"...)
It is true, it is even written in the bible....
"You could hear the roar of his Triumph all over Jerusalem"...)
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tazz
Mosess had one before jesus......he came down the hill in triumph
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specs
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specs
I was in a pub in far Western Queensland last Saturday night, when this really brutally ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my arse and said, "Give me your number, sexy."
I replied "Have you got a pen?"
She smiled and said "Yes."
I replied, "Well you better get back to it, before the farmer notices you're missing."
- - - Updated - - -
Wasn't planning on going for a run today
but the police just came out of nowhere
- - - Updated - - -
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?
I replied "Have you got a pen?"
She smiled and said "Yes."
I replied, "Well you better get back to it, before the farmer notices you're missing."
- - - Updated - - -
Wasn't planning on going for a run today
but the police just came out of nowhere
- - - Updated - - -
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?
S
specs
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
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specs
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits.
It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked.
'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied.
'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked.
'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied.
'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
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Understanding TrueNAS JBOD Servers: A Comprehensive Guide- Started by Dan
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