A new jokes thread for your amusement.

[Silly Sausage]

Police are appealing to the Public to report anybody heard or smelt to be excessively farting...
BBC News - Thousands of Heinz baked beans tins stolen

 

[Earthstore]

Police are appealing to the Public to report anybody heard or smelt to be excessively farting...
BBC News - Thousands of Heinz baked beans tins stolen

Hell, it must have been me.... I have been farting like a butchers dog all afternoon...

 

[telectrix]

also on the crimewatch programme was an article about all the toilet pans at new scotland yard had been nicked. detective chief inspector cyril plod says that the investigation team have nothing to go on.

 

[Earthstore]

Two other blokes were arrested, one for drinking battery acid, the other for eating fireworks... they charged the first but let second one off...

 

[tidyboiler]

I must get out more!

 

[tidyboiler]

Ain't this the truth.............

 

[tidyboiler]

Thought I'd get this in before Geordie does!!!!rrr:

 

[steve50]

A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and, one night, he's doing a show
in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going
through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts
shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you
think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way? What does the
colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's
men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the
community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like
you that make others think that all Blondes are dumb! You and your kind
continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women
in general...pathetically all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells:

"You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little **** on your lap."

 

[dan86]

Clocks go back this weekend.

Good job I kept the receipts.

 

[dan86]

I can't see those guns made on 3D printers catching on.

If HP make the cartridges it will be cheaper buying an AK-47.

 

[telectrix]

well, i've got a canon printer. have to see what i can make with that.:

 

[Silly Sausage]

I can't see those guns made on 3D printers catching on.

If HP make the cartridges it will be cheaper buying an AK-47.

The real joke with this Manchester 3D printed gun bits is that they're actually parts for a 3D printer.
UK police seize 3D printer and printed ?gun? components (that aren?t really) ? Tech News and Analysis

Hmmmm...Police Intelligence???

 

[steve50]

......found this in the supermaket

 

[steve50]

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[steve50]

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