Get one from the local taxidermist - no need to feed it or take it for walks in the pi$$ing rain. It won't jump all over the furniture, stink the place out or bite anyone either. Saves a fortune in vets' bills too.
Wonder if they sell stuffed Geordies too? I don't mind you jumping over the furniture, but stinking the place out is a bit of a nuisance. :iamwithstupid: