Jokes on your apprentice

[linzilou72]

I got asked to go to wholesalers and pick up a left handed hammer, I was also asked to go and get air ladders, but I was brought up in pub so wasn't gonna fall for anything as lame as that.

But one poor apprentice was put through a christmas tree wrapper you know the one with the mesh. ha ha that was hilarious and they drove home with him tied to back of truck.

 

[Kitch]

We sent a first year apprentice to the stores a few weeks ago to get 10 metres of fallopian tubing and a new bubble for the spirit level. Our store manager has a sense of humour too and gave him a bucket of water with a straw in it, all out of fallopian tubing though.

 

[razpag]

I feel really guilty now, but we used to send our 'lad' into Oddies for Felatio Cakes, or Cunnilingus Pasties. Cruel, but the best belly laughs we've ever had.

Another of the old ones is the sending them for the infamous 'Sky hooks', or a tin of striped paint.

Dont know about you lot, but its part of the prennies' passage of age, and a great bond is usually formed between yourselves.

 

[Spudmiester]

Cant beat the good old 'Long Stand'

 

[sparkyork]

not really a joke as such but i had an apprentice with me at a job in lincoln, he was chopping out some metal boxes with a 2-3lb lump hammer, i was been the site idiot and entertaining him, he looked away from what he was doing whilst continuing to stricke his chisel, missed and caught his thumb, looked grose nearly pulled his thumb nuckle off. then his bottom lip starting wobbling he was so close to crying i just couldn help but laugh my little white hairy ar$e off!!

apprentices butty bag laying vulnerable, chicken and mayonaise sarnies with an extra helping of decorators caulk!!

 

[Carter]

One trappy apprentice who had a bit too much to say for himself; verdict: zip-tied to stanchion and copious quantities of Trefolux applied.

Welding re-bar accross the miscreant's toe caps was another one I recall.

The above escalation was triggered by said apprentice's initial reluctance to make tea as required and his childish (but inventive) original protest of drilling and screwing his spark's enamel mug to the canteen table and then filling it with tea. Cheeky little get left a straw in it and I think that's what sealed his inevitable date with the cutting paste.

 

[mdshunk]

When I was a factory electrician, we wrapped one guy's car with one of those big rolls of cling film that you wrap up shipping pallets with. We used the whole roll. Must be a mile of it on one of those rolls. His car was well "preserved".

For another fellow, we drilled and tapped his tool box for a Zerk fitting (grease fitting) and filled the whole tool box up with grease through the fitting. I thought it was funny at first, but the guy really went off the deep end when he found out what was done, and I honestly thought he was going to hurt someone badly.

 

[Carter]

When I was a factory electrician, we wrapped one guy's car with one of those big rolls of cling film that you wrap up shipping pallets with. We used the whole roll. Must be a mile of it on one of those rolls. His car was well "preserved".

ha ha! we hoisted one blokes motor 18feet in the air on a fork truck and left him to figure it out

For another fellow, we drilled and tapped his tool box for a Zerk fitting (grease fitting) and filled the whole tool box up with grease through the fitting. I thought it was funny at first, but the guy really went off the deep end when he found out what was done, and I honestly thought he was going to hurt someone badly.

Funny as..., but I'm not surprised he went nuclear, ad hominems, fair enough but my attitude is that if you dick about with a guy's tools then you do so at your own risk.

 

[kung]

Sent mine for a left handed screwdriver and a skirting board ladder. also when i was in electronic engineering used to charge up the big caps (capacitors) and get the trainees to fetch em lol soon as they put their hands on top of them to pick them up you heard a scream lol well more of a girly urgggg then went walking off like mr bean !

 

[Anonomoose]

Oh boy im wiping off the tears to write this. some of these were fantastic. the broken wrist and the bakery treats were fantastic.
I never fell for the jokes but suffered for it. i was screwed to an 8ft x 4ft bit of ply all round my outline then the ply put up on a wall and left while they drew things on me.
Back before the world went health and safety & political correctness crazy i was duck taped to an office chair and a sign put on me reading "Kiddy Fiddler", stuck in a lift and sent to the ground floor (Heathrow Airport main terminal entrance). That was fun. Also had my boots screwed from the bottom up to a scaffold platform.

 

[empress]

got made target practice when the painters nicked our offcuts of 20mm plastic conduit and made em into putty blow pipes.
was 20ft up on Ali scaff when six of em opened fire with no were to hide.
god they hurt.
thought i was clever when i bent a piece 90degree with a spring so i could fire round corners.
trouble was my one and only shot hit me boss in the middle of his forehead ,should of checked who is was first before letting rip.
the red mark it left was a corker.
he went mental,got a well deserved beating and a near down the road ,was on the last year serving me time,
that was over 20 years ago and i can laugh at it now ,my how times have changed.
elfyn

 

[Anonomoose]

I was telling a mate about this thread today he said on a site once when he was an apprentice his boss gave him a 5lb sledge hammer and a letter and told him to give it to one of the girls in the office.

 

[ScottGlover]

i once worked with some paddys and they stuck me upside down in one of those blue barrels. they left me there for ages and said next time it will be full of water.

I was my self,

 

[WB Scott]

At one of the companys we worked for we told an apprentice that we required some lubrication for a job we were doing the following day and that we had no time to go and get it, in his eagerness to please, he offered to help and go get some. So off we sent him that night, to get us some KY jelly, which we told him he could get from asda.

Anyway next day, he turns up proud as punch with this KY jelly, only to tell us him mum had taken him to asda for it!! and repeatedly asked him if it was a windup11 To which he replied, " No mum, they wouldnt do anything like that to me!" haha!

 

[kung]

Good jokes on here !