Jokes on your apprentice

jellen · Mar 19, 2009

I was tied face down from a railing, the boss turned up and told me he wasn't paying me to hang around

A few weeks ago our apprentice was set on with 5 water fire extinguishers

desertbootz · Mar 20, 2009

I once got a lad to paint the workshop floor. "Shall I start at the back and work my way out then?" he asked showing far too much insight and foresight for one so young.
"Mugs way that" I told him putting on my earnest face "You gotta work away from the door. When you get to the far side the doorway should've dried enough for you to get out"
So he did. What a chump and how I laughed.

Used to regularly fly our clerk round the workshop on the overhead. I say regularly, it was almost every time he wore a belt and didn't pay attention. He wasn't an apprentice but everyone got a go at flying the clerk up until the colonel busted us. Apparently that sort of thing is bullying...

johnnyb · Mar 20, 2009

I was apprentice to a spark who was always falling out with the gaffers, in those days we got a wage packet with cash in it, and if he was one penny short he would be on the war path.
This particular day at brew time and i got the bloody blame for this, we were all sat in cabin havin a brew and there was a site meeting, our gaffer smoked the biggest pipe you could imagine like a waste paper bin, massive thing, and he had left it on the table near jimmy the spark, he put red chalk line chalk under the tobacco, and the gaffer went off to the meeting.
This meeting went onto dinner when the door of the cabin burst open with stan the gaffer swearing his head off which (NO SWEARING) did this, honest lads he looked like the joker out of batman all up his cheeks red chalk, and he must have been puffin away in that meeting not knowing, well i started to laugh the loudest and being near the cabin door got a clip around mi lug holes for the privilige.

bulliespark · Apr 10, 2009

the place i used to work sent a guy to the whosalers with a list of stuff to get on the list was 6 felopian tubes , when the guy serving him asked what size he wanted he asked to borrow the phone to ring up work and check what size he should get .
we put the phone on loud speaker but no one could stop laughing and we were sussed out .

maddfridge · Apr 10, 2009

hi there

the jokes on us in our company they do not employ any cost too much

cheers

TPES · Apr 21, 2009

bulliespark said:
the place i used to work sent a guy to the whosalers with a list of stuff to get on the list was 6 felopian tubes , when the guy serving him asked what size he wanted he asked to borrow the phone to ring up work and check what size he should get .
we put the phone on loud speaker but no one could stop laughing and we were sussed out .

Ha ha ha

I fell for the obvious "Go and fetch me a Glass hammer".. After searching about 3 of the lads tool boxes for a glass hammer they gave in and let me in on the gag.

But i genuinly thought i was looking for a normal looking hammer but was special one for smashing glass with.. Doh!

bazza2541 · Apr 21, 2009

I had a foreman once who thought it was funny to put cutting compound on my wiper blades.
After I got out of hospital, I threw his toolbox into a cement mixer, he didn't laugh so much at that.
Seen another apprentice getting a 'doing' in a factory before he was due to get married, they doused him in caustic soda, needless to say the wedding was cancelled.
Seeing a mans face melt kinda takes the fun out of the pranks

In saying that I still get a perverse pleasure in punishing apprentices by making them thread 5 or 6 lengths of 20mm conduit into nipples.

Andy Smith · May 13, 2009

elianna said:
Contempt Of Court
Having had to take the day off work to appear in court for a minor traffic summons, the man was growing increasingly restless as he waited hour after hour for his case to be heard.
Finally, late in the afternoon, his case was called. He stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned until the next day and he would have to return.
"What!" What for?" he yelled at the judge.
His Honor, equally irritated by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared, "That will be twenty dollars for contempt of court! That's what for!"
Noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge added, "That's all right. You don't have to pay right now."
The man replied, "Oh, I'm just looking to see if I have enough for two more words!"
_______________________________

Very funny

Modernelectric · May 13, 2009

lol at some of these, ive seen apprentices have the floortrap screwed back down while they were still underneath and fibreglass shoved down boxershorts.

terry451 · May 13, 2009

Ever seen a tool box filled with expanding foam.....

Sparky-Tom · May 13, 2009

terry451 said:
Ever seen a tool box filled with expanding foam.....

I saw that in my last place! Theres something fulfilling about seeing that person who noboday likes; trying to dig his tools out

He also had a metal roller cab tool chest, which we spot welded the drawers together, that was funny! He couldnt grind the welds off because his tools were locked inside of his toolchest...Good times!

terry451 · May 14, 2009

The other trick was the chap who insisted on an old style white china mug, sort seen in cafes a few years back. A small hole in the bottom filled in with white soap.........hot tea, soft soap..... lasted a few mins...

Notsosmart · May 14, 2009

30 years ago (omg) my 1st week consisted of avoiding long weights, refusing to get a box of milli-amps, dodging pellets of putty fired out of conduit only to get told by an increasingly frustrated spark to ask around (a large industrial) site to see if i could get a skook (it was noisy) & don't return until i had some.

So off i trot & after asking several other sparks for skicks, skoks & other variations upon a theme i encounter Dick Hares, [honest (he was known as pubic for short)the biggest, nicest wind-up merchant you will ever meet], he tells me "sky-hooks is what you want boy, go & see the Holiday Hall foreman (notorious miserable ******* i find out later) he will put put you straight"

Holiday Hall foreman shouting " I DON'T KNOW IF THEY ARE TAKING THE **** OUT OF YOU OR ME ,JUST **** OFF (he was in a good mood), turning sharply on my heels, my face as red as a beetroot half of the site is there howling with laughter ~ I didn't live it down for years (I'm still scarred by it

)
It back-fired on the spark for a while as he had to get his own Chalk line, (yeh right; a line of black-board chalks!) draw tape (ok give me a pencil; i'll draw you a tape) etc.

jellen · May 21, 2009

was talking to my mate about this and forgot about a classic one that happend to him. During our apprenticeship he thought it would be funny to screw the plumbers toolbox to the floor. 2 days later my mates looking for his tools the plumber says to him there outside mate, sorry they were in my way, he goes out to see his tool box on fire

with all his tools inside. hes running round trying to find something to put it out with, and the painter gives him turps! ive never laughed so much in my life

Sparky-Tom · May 21, 2009

jellen said:
was talking to my mate about this and forgot about a classic one that happend to him. During our apprenticeship he thought it would be funny to screw the plumbers toolbox to the floor. 2 days later my mates looking for his tools the plumber says to him there outside mate, sorry they were in my way, he goes out to see his tool box on fire with all his tools inside. hes running round trying to find something to put it out with, and the painter gives him turps! ive never laughed so much in my life

Thats the funniest thing ive head in ages!