A new jokes thread for your amusement.

[Barry White]

How I learned to mind my own business

 

[steve50]

......

 

[Skimpy Wan]

Think this is true for all of us! Lol

 

[telectrix]

gave you a like for the pic., not the text.

 

[steve50]

....

 

[Barry White]

Proof that a dog is a mans best friend? Lock your dog and your wife in the car boot for an hour then open and see which one loves you the most.

 

[Barry White]

THIS IS PRICELESS (shamelessly stolen from another forum)

-Our Phones - Wireless
- Cooking - Fireless
- Cars - Keyless
- Food - Fatless
- Tyres - Tubeless
- Youth - Jobless
- Leaders - Shameless
- Relationships - Meaningless
- Attitudes - Careless
- Babies - Fatherless
- Feelings - Heartless
- Children - Mannerless
- we are SPEECHLESS.
- Government is CLUELESS.
- And our politicians are WORTHLESS!
- I'm scared - ****less!

 

[Barry White]

The I syndrome

 

[steve50]

A farmer has 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell.
The other farmer says, “Yeah, I’ve got this great rooster, named Randy. He’ll service every chicken you got, no problem.”
Well, Randy the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he’d be worth it. So, he buys Randy.
The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard first giving the rooster a pep talk, “Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You’ve got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I’ll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun,” the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Randy took off like a shot. -WHAM!- Randy nails every hen in the hen house – three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked.
After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Randy is in there.
Later, the farmer sees Randy after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again – WHAM! He gets all the geese!
By sunset he sees Randy out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.
The farmer is distraught – worried that his expensive rooster won’t even last 24 hours.
Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Randy dead as a doorknob – stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.
The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful – and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, “Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you’ve done to yourself.”
Randy opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, “Shhh, they’re getting closer “

 

[steve50]

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[steve50]

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[steve50]

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[LeeH]

 

[hightower]

Ha nice one LeeH! I made that image a few months ago and submitted it to on the tools (facebook page) - seems it's doing the rounds....

 

[LeeH]

Someone at work sent me it along with a few others.