A new jokes thread for your amusement.

[steve50]

POLICE WARNING:
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many f...emales use a date rape drug on the market called ...Beer. The drug is found in liquid form and available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs".
Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. A woman
needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.
After several Beers, men will often succumb to the desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as a "relationship". In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewed enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage". Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.
If you fall victim to this beer and the women administering it..... There are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly affected like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.

 

[Midwest]

Here's a vid about the exact same thing; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNSIymy_Goc

 

[steve50]

LITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK:
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's... farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her ---- are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.

 

[steve50]

I remember about 40 years ago, not long after we had gotten married...
I took my missus to bed and pleasured her, using a very large, thick cucumber....
We had a fantastic night of sex, and after she reached a multiple orgasm we both fell asleep, extremely exhausted....
But a few hours later, I was awoken by my missus screaming,
"Yes, yes, oh God, I'm cumming, I'm cumming......ooooohhhhhh" and the bed was shaking like a scene from The Excorsist.........
I was in a blind panic, as you may well imagine, and shouting at her, "What the hell is going on"?.....
Once she'd recovered; she replied, "Don't worry, it's only the cucumber repeating on me !....

 

[Kamikaze]

I saw a Miss Santa in the high street today selling novelty size mobile phones. She had the biggest pair of Nokias I've ever seen!

 

[hightower]

Just had a call of a recruitment firm. The lassie on the other side of the phone said "Sir, I have two openings you may be interested in". I replied "from the sound of your voice I think you could have three openings I'd be interested in." The line went quiet for a moment, with the silence broken by her shouting "A$$HOLE". I calmly responded "I'd prefer the other two but whatever works for you"

 

[telectrix]

when i were a lad, i could go into town on a saturday morning with a shilling in my pocket. i could get a bottle of coke, a mars bar, a meat pie, and a couple of bags of crisps and still go home with money. sadly, these days, can't do it. not with all these CCTV cameras about.

 

[Barry White]

The welsh invented the condom????

 

[steve50]

..........

 

[hightower]

Yellow. Tester confirmed

 

[Barry White]

Was looking on ebay (dont ask ) and this popped up thought is was a joke so put it here but he has actually sold some.



and for anyone wanting one

USB Hole Warmer for Message/Flashlight Toy Men's ****UK STOCK**** | eBay

 

[davesparks]

Was looking on ebay (dont ask ) and this popped up thought is was a joke so put it here but he has actually sold some.



and for anyone wanting one

USB Hole Warmer for Message/Flashlight Toy Men's ****UK STOCK**** | eBay

Have a look on bigclive's YouTube channel, he's done a video of one he took apart

 

[shanky887614]

Have a look on bigclive's YouTube channel, he's done a video of one he took apart

have you seen his baby-cutor vid?

there is an electrode heater designed for heating baby bath water..... rated at 2.5kw actual power 1kw

 

[telectrix]

guy goes into a sex shopand asks to buy a blow-up doll.

shop owner asks him if he wants a christian doll or a muslim doll

buyer asks "what's the difference?"

reply.......... "the muslim ones blow themseves up".

 

[steve50]

Wireless Extension Cord