A new jokes thread for your amusement.

[specs]

 

[dan86]

WARNING,,,,,,,,, Do not join the new 'Tesco Dating Service'............ My mate did, and he ended up with a bag for life!!

 

[dan86]

Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents
Police:Where does your parents live?
Me: With me
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbors house
Police: Where is your neighbors house?
Me: If I tell you, you wont believe me
Police: Tell me
Me: Next to my house =))!

 

[dan86]

Paddy the electrician got sacked from the northern ireland prison service for refusing to repair the electric chair.
He said that, in his opinion, "It was a ****in' deathtrap

 

[Silly Sausage]

A brain walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a pint and a whiskey chaser please."

The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I can't serve you."

"Why not?" asks the brain.

"You're already out of your head."

 

[Andy78]

A nose walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a pint and a whiskey chaser please."

The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I can't serve you."

"Why not?" asks the nose.

"You're already off your face."

 

[dan86]

I was trying to visit an anorexia website earlier.

Turns out to get it to work, you have to refuse to accept cookies.

 

[dan86]

The other day I parked in a disabled parking space at my local supermarket, When a car park attendant approached me explaining that the place I had parked was strictly for disabled people only.

I told him ' I am disabled........ I have alzheimer's'.

To which he replied ' where's your badge then'?

I replied ' I forgot it'.

 

[dan86]

Me and the lads painted the town red last night.

That's 12 hours of our community service done.

 

[dan86]

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble. You have my Word.

 

[Silly Sausage]

I told a mate of mine that country and western star Kenny Rogers had a chain of restaurants in the US called "Kenny Rogers Chickens". He replied that Roger Moore should open a branch over here and call it Roger Moore Chickens.

 

[Kate]

I don't get it. Is it because I don't know who they are?

 

[telectrix]

I don't get it. Is it because I don't know who they are?[/QUO



the keyword is roger, as in rogering, i.e buggering.

 

[Kamikaze]

As Tel has said, I thought it was a play on words. “Kenny Rogers Chickens” sounds like "Can he roger chickens“ and “Roger Moore Chickens” sounds like “Roger more chickens”.

 

[ian.settle1]

I don't get it. Is it because I don't know who they are?

You don't know who Roger Moore is?

James Bond a clue