A new jokes thread for your amusement.

[specs]

Subject: Fw: Golf panties









The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded.

'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any..'

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says,

'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear..'

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.

'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers Why not?'

She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency,here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear"!

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?' She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'odecency, here's a comb.... Tidy yerself up a bit.'

 

[specs]

There I was sitting at a long red traffic light yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic. A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-English slogans, with a half-burned Union Jack taped on the boot of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me. Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Aqbar! Praise Allah!" and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler lorry came speeding through the crossing and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely. For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, bloody hell...that could have been me!" So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a lorry driver

 

[specs]

The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. "Your Holiness," said one of his Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf, to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."

The Pope thought this was a good idea; but, he had never held a golf club in his hand. "Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?" he asked.

"None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied, "but there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer, who is a devout Catholic. We can first make him a Cardinal, Then we will ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition, to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match." Everyone agreed it was a good idea. Of course, Nicklaus was honoured, and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican, "I have some good news and some bad news, your Holiness," said Cardinal Nicklaus.

"Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus," said the Pope.

"Well, your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous."

"There's bad news?" the Pope asked.

"Yes," Nicklaus sighed. "I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods by three strokes."

 

[specs]

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/****ing,_Austria) Well no one is gonna be able to check out this link in a hurry, however it is about a beer and the little starry things in the link begin with F and end in K, hopefully you will be able to find it. If the EU can pass this Why can't the forum mods!!!! The European Union (EU) has granted a permit to an Austrian brewery to officially
name their beer: ****ing Hell.
It's a fully legitimate permit.
"Hell" in German means "Light" and the beer is produced in the Austrian town of ****ing,I think it is pronounced 'Fooking'.

 

[Silly Sausage]

6 year old says to his 4 year old sister, 'now we are getting a bit older I think we should start swearing'.

'Ok - I'm up it' she says.

Next morning mum asks 6 year old 'what would you like for breakfast?'

'I think I'll have some f'cking cereals'

Wallop - 'Now go to your room!'

A little annoyed, she turns to the 4 year old and says 'So what would you like for breakfast then?'

'Erm, erm, I'm not sure, but I don't want f'cking cereals anymore!'

 

[Silly Sausage]

I spent Sunday morning at the wife's grave.





She still thinks I'm digging a pond.

- - - Updated - - -

I saw my dwarf neighbour waiting at the bus stop so I stopped and said "Jump in, I'll give you a lift home."

He flew in to a rage "I don't need your help, I'm not a charity case!"

So I said "Suit yourself." zipped up my rucksack and carried on walking.

 

[dan86]

"Meet curvy local woman...click here"

Or just go down to your local Greggs at lunchtime.

 

[dan86]

"Are we going into this pole dancing club?" asked my Welsh mate.

"That's a kebab shop," I replied.

 

[tidyboiler]

I spent Sunday morning at the wife's grave.





She still thinks I'm digging a pond.

- - - Updated - - -
QUOTE]



:rofl: :rofl:

 

[Silly Sausage]

2 monkeys in a bath, first one says 'Ooo Eee Aaa Hhh Ooo'

2nd one says 'well put some cold in then!'

 

[trev]

2 nuns in a bath, one says "Where's the soap"
The other one replies "Yeah you're right"


First heard that when I was about 12, a girlfriend had to explain it to me when I was about 18.

 

[Silly Sausage]

2 nuns in a bath, one says "Where's the soap"
The other one replies "Yeah you're right"


First heard that when I was about 12, a girlfriend had to explain it to me when I was about 18.

And it's still being discussed on the internet 50 years later!

 

[trev]

How man, am aany fiddy ye knaa

 

[Silly Sausage]

Aye lad, As nose, thaar be under thisen!

 

[trev]

Hoo ma under misen?