A new jokes thread for your amusement.

[specs]

:tounge_smile:

Truly gross! :sick:

I agree. however this is the type of post you get when posts are not counted on your post count

 

[specs]

A public school teacher was arrested today at Brisbane International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Nicola Roxon said she believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. She did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Australian Federal Police with carrying weapons of math instruction.

'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Gillard said, "If Darwin had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." Government aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the Prime Minister

 

[Brightspark2]

Im selling all my dogging equipment on ebay.











No bids yet but theres 10 people watching.

 

[steve50]

Same Sex marriage

Fred and Larry got married in California . They couldn't afford a honeymoon so, they go back to Fred's mum and dad's house for their first married night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Fred and Larry are up yet. She replies, 'No'. Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mum replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.' Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mum, 'Are Fred and Larry up et?' She replies, 'No.' Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?' His mum replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school ' After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Larry up yet?' His mum says, 'No.' He asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mum replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.' He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...... I gave him my aeroplane glue.'......................... ​

 

[specs]

Im selling all my dogging equipment on ebay.











No bids yet but theres 10 people watching.

You could have offered it to us first, I feel sure that everyone on this site would be watching

 

[specs]

little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

 

[specs]

Please note any repeats in my posts are intentional and not because I can't remember what I have already posted. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it

 

[ian.settle1]

Please note any repeats in my posts are intentional and not because I can't remember what I have already posted. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it

First sign of alze........ What was it I was going to say now

 

[specs]

Please note any repeats in my posts are intentional and not because I can't remember what I have already posted. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it

 

[specs]

Please note any repeats in my posts are intentional and not because I can't remember what I have already posted. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it

I was going to say that

 

[Geordie Spark]

Grannies & Granddads. Ever wondered what the difference between Grannies and Granddads is? A 5 year old granddaughter is usually taken to school, daily, by her grandfather. One day when he had a bad cold, Granny took the little girl to school. That night the little girl told her parents that the ride to school with granny was very different than with granddad !! "What made it different?" asked her parents: "Well Granny and I didn't see a single ----er, blind *******, ********, Asian ----- or ****** anywhere on the way to school today!'

 

[tidyboiler]

 

[specs]

A priest and a rabbi were having lunch and the priest asked, "Have you ever strayed from not eating pork?" The rabbi said, "Well, once, but there was absolutely nothing else to eat, so I had a ham sandwich."

Then the rabbi asked the priest, "Did you ever stray from your vow of celibacy?" The priest said, "Yes, just once."

And the rabbi said, "Sure beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

 

[specs]

An old man is driving along the road humming to himself. Suddenly he hears a police siren and a motorcycle cop pulls him over. He can't imagine what could be wrong.

"Sir, do you realize that you left your wife behind in the gas station?"

"I did? I am so relieved."

"You're relieved you drove off without your wife?"

The gent nods.

"But didn't you sense something was wrong?"

"Yes, I thought I'd gone deaf."

 

[dan86]

right, not sure if i've done it right, but i've just done a search for this thread to see how many posts specs has made. it's telling me 500. the man definitely deserves a badge for his efforts!