A new jokes thread for your amusement.

[ArseyDee]

.......copied and pasted from a different programme. Email to be exact.

 

[telectrix]

forum gone ---- up again. i have no options for font size, smileys, anything. all gone into cyberspace.

 

[dan86]

Why did the MP cross the road?

I don't know, but he claimed 80 quid expenses for the journey.

 

[telectrix]

only £80. must have been an independent.

 

[dan86]

I went to a party at a brothel earlier.

They put on a good spread.

 

[dan86]

Bit disappointed I never got to see if the woman in the film I was watching last night got her sink fixed...

 

[telectrix]

bet she got her trap filled though.

 

[MDJ]

I see Michael Barrymore is over the moon that Tom Daly as come out of the closet, he has finally found a Guy who takes it in the --- and who can swim afterwards

 

[Kamikaze]

On a small island in the Atlantic Ocean everyone on the island is black except for one white guy who is a scientist. The chief of the island walks up to the scientist and says: “My wife just had a child and its white.”
The scientist starts panicking and says: ”Its genetics.”
He gives the chief an example with sheep: “You see those sheep over there, all of the sheep are white except one black one.”
The chief looks at the scientist and says: “Ok… I'll be quiet about the baby if you don't mention the sheep.”

 

[MDJ]

Be careful if you are driving past Old Trafford, a lot have picked up 3points there recently.

 

[dan86]

 

[dan86]

 

[dan86]

 

[specs]

A man goes into a bar and orders 12 shots of tequila. The bartender looks on as the guy downs one after another.

As he slams the 10th one, the bartender says, "I don't think you should be drinking those so fast."

"You would if you had what I have," the man says, throwing back number 11.

"Well, what is it you have?"

The man throws back his last shot and says, "Fifty Pence "

 

[specs]

Twice a week a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border and he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.

Each time the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.

Sometimes they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some illegal item.

They racked their brains but never found anything untoward.

It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene, that they learned the truth.

He had been smuggling bicycles