A new jokes thread for your amusement.

[Pete999]

that the one about a girl?

Which girl??

 

[shanky887614]

Which girl??

the one i heard was about katie

 

[Pete999]

the one i heard was about katie

Thats the one

 

[Carlosfandango]

Has some loose lady named her child bunny?
Total guess!!

 

[Pete999]

Has some loose lady named her child bunny?
Total guess!!

Not rocket science is it?

 

[specs]

I've opened a bakery recently and a lady phoned me up, wanting a cake with 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I SvCK COKS' written on it. I thought it was weird but made it anyway. Mrs Cox was fvking furious when I delivered it. So was her son, Isaac.....

 

[shanky887614]

BBC NEWS: Man arrested for letting children live in filth.

Or as the locals call it, Merseyside.

 

[specs]

There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his sheep. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farm hand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash. "No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!" The farm hand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper.

This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper. On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper. He asked his wife where the farm hand was and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries and he ran like hell. ( I think they eat these in Merseyside Shanky )

 

[Carlosfandango]

Not rocket science is it?

Not really but I posted that before I could see the two replies before!

 

[specs]

SUPERSEX
A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

 

[specs]

ROMANCE
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting.."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck.."
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked..

"To get my teeth!"

 

[specs]

OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name.. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to Know?"

 

[specs]

SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Vernon, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Vernon , "It's not just one car.. It's hundreds of them!"

 

[specs]

DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"

 

[specs]

Apologies to all the old wind passers on here, but I don't see why I should suffer alone.