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Doubt it's legal here, but how many folks will go to the cops & tell them they were zapped by a booby trap on a bait bike they tried to steal?
There is a number of dumb crook awards for people going to the cops about dope deals gone bad, or not happy with the services rendered (or not rendered) from a prostitute, but most will just make themselves scarce, LOL.
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Discuss A new jokes thread for your amusement. in the Electricians Chat - Off Topic Chat area at ElectriciansForums.net
OP
hightower
For the gamers among us, that looks like one of the weapons used in borderlands!
With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever
seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"
"No," said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and
pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.
She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"
"Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer, panties... and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
"Now," she said, "have you ever seen $40,000 dollars all crumpled up?"
"No way!" he said, while obviously becoming even more aroused and excited, to which she replied:
"Go look in the garage"
Mexican Jew
Two old Jewish men, Sid and Abe, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant one day ...
Sid asks Abe, "Do you know if any people of our ancestry were ever born and raised in Mexico ?"
Abe replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."
When the waiter arrives, Abe asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
The waiter says, "I don't know senor, I ask the cooks.
" He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says,
"No senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews."
Abe isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"
The waiter, realizing he is dealing with "Gringos" replies,
"I check once again, senor," and goes back into the kitchen.
While the waiter is away, Sid says
"I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico ...
Our people are scattered everywhere."
The waiter returns and says,
"Senor, the head cook Manuel, he say there is no Mexican Jews."
"Are you certain?" Abe asks again. "I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!"
"Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replies the exasperated waiter
"All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Apple Jews, but no Mexican Jews."
seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"
"No," said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and
pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.
She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"
"Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer, panties... and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
"Now," she said, "have you ever seen $40,000 dollars all crumpled up?"
"No way!" he said, while obviously becoming even more aroused and excited, to which she replied:
"Go look in the garage"
Mexican Jew
Two old Jewish men, Sid and Abe, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant one day ...
Sid asks Abe, "Do you know if any people of our ancestry were ever born and raised in Mexico ?"
Abe replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."
When the waiter arrives, Abe asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
The waiter says, "I don't know senor, I ask the cooks.
" He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says,
"No senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews."
Abe isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"
The waiter, realizing he is dealing with "Gringos" replies,
"I check once again, senor," and goes back into the kitchen.
While the waiter is away, Sid says
"I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico ...
Our people are scattered everywhere."
The waiter returns and says,
"Senor, the head cook Manuel, he say there is no Mexican Jews."
"Are you certain?" Abe asks again. "I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!"
"Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replies the exasperated waiter
"All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Apple Jews, but no Mexican Jews."
OP
Barry White
Big clive has been to poundland and bought a fanny doll!
[video=youtube;mcDgOGC5Lcc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcDgOGC5Lcc[/video]
[video=youtube;mcDgOGC5Lcc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcDgOGC5Lcc[/video]
- Reaction score
- 54
A Turkey havin The EU 4 Xmas ?
OP
Barry White
Ever had a bike stolen then this is for you
[video=youtube;_1fzePmUxVw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1fzePmUxVw[/video]
[video=youtube;_1fzePmUxVw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1fzePmUxVw[/video]
OP
Barry White
I spent an hour at my wifes grave this morning she thinks I am digging a fishpond:biggrinjester:
OP
Besoeker
Probably illegal here.........shame.
Doubt it's legal here, but how many folks will go to the cops & tell them they were zapped by a booby trap on a bait bike they tried to steal?
There is a number of dumb crook awards for people going to the cops about dope deals gone bad, or not happy with the services rendered (or not rendered) from a prostitute, but most will just make themselves scarce, LOL.
- Reaction score
- 67,285
OP
Barry White
- Reaction score
- 67,285
american primary school. kids have been out of the city to a farm. next day, teacher is asking questions about the trip.
"can anyone tell me what a lamb sounds like?" she asks.
several hands went up, including Leroy at the back.
"OK. Mary, how does a lamb sound?"
"Baaa" replies Mary.
"good. now anyone tell me how a cow sounds?"
once again, several hands up and Leroy is getting agitated at not being picked.
"Right, Janet, How does a cow sound?"
"Moooo" replies Janet.
"excellent. now what about a pig?"
Leroy is now jumping up and down with his both hands waving.
"OK, Leroy, in the interests of racial harmony, tell me what a pig sounds like"
"Freeze, -------" shouts Leroy.
"can anyone tell me what a lamb sounds like?" she asks.
several hands went up, including Leroy at the back.
"OK. Mary, how does a lamb sound?"
"Baaa" replies Mary.
"good. now anyone tell me how a cow sounds?"
once again, several hands up and Leroy is getting agitated at not being picked.
"Right, Janet, How does a cow sound?"
"Moooo" replies Janet.
"excellent. now what about a pig?"
Leroy is now jumping up and down with his both hands waving.
"OK, Leroy, in the interests of racial harmony, tell me what a pig sounds like"
"Freeze, -------" shouts Leroy.
OP
Barry White
Sacked on his first day
OP
hightower
Well, I've been hiding this for too long now so it's time I come out and say it. I'm an ohmosexual.
I can only get it up if there's resistance.
I can only get it up if there's resistance.
A Californian and a Texan were deer hunting in the brush of south Texas when an illegal alien runs across a clearing. The Texan takes careful aim, shoots and kills him.
"You can't do that!" cried the Californian.
"It's legal here in Texas " replies the Texan.
Later that night the Californian goes to town to buy some beer from Wal-Mart. He puts the beer on the roof of his truck and while he's making room behind the seat, an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer and runs away. The Californian draws his pistol, shoots and kills him. As he is retrieving his beer the police come and arrest him.
"But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens here in Texas!" protests the Californian.
"Well, yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use bait."
"You can't do that!" cried the Californian.
"It's legal here in Texas " replies the Texan.
Later that night the Californian goes to town to buy some beer from Wal-Mart. He puts the beer on the roof of his truck and while he's making room behind the seat, an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer and runs away. The Californian draws his pistol, shoots and kills him. As he is retrieving his beer the police come and arrest him.
"But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens here in Texas!" protests the Californian.
"Well, yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use bait."
Reply to A new jokes thread for your amusement. in the Electricians Chat - Off Topic Chat area at ElectriciansForums.net
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